"REAL" men...

My family and friends thought I was spending way too much time on the computer.  They thought I should "get out more and talk to real, LIVE, men.  In person."  "Have fun", they said.  A few of my friends talked me into going to a local nightclub for 'Ladies' Night'.  Not a bad idea.  If no one offered to buy me a drink...  it would only cost me a buck to buy one for myself.  I was surrounded by hundreds of singles even more desperate than me.  Well, maybe not hundreds.  There was a senior citizen type soaking his dentures in a glass on the bar smiling at me.  A creepy, much younger guy wearing a John Travolta suit and a pair of old sneakers trying to make eye contact.  At least on the computer you can just sign off.  How I missed my mouse!  Direct eye contact with any strange man in a place like this could be easily misinterpreted as ... "I'm not only available, I may possibly even go home with you".  So many messages... without saying a word.  It reminded me of being ... married.  So after two hours, a few forays onto the dance floor and 10 watered down, one-dollar Rum and Cokes; I had had just about all the fun I could take for one night.  Walking back to my car I silently tallied up my... scorecard.  The senior citizen from the bar wearing Depends, the mental patient with stalker potential, and a woman that I met in the Ladies Room, who was dressed like a man.  Not bad for my first night out.  I hoped I didn't miss anything good on TV.