Sunday, January 15, 2006

A Public Service Announcement

As a Registered Nurse I am frequently asked questions about HMO Insurances.  So I'd like to take this opportunity to explain some of the details your doctor and employer may have neglected to tell you.

Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually an abbreviation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.

Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories--those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away and a diploma from a third world country.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.

Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q.. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it didn't seem to be strong enough.  What should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his/her office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all your risking is the $20
co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot.

Q. Will health care be different in the next century?

A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.


I hope this has cleared up some of the misconceptions about HMO's.  Now get out there and start taking care of yourselves!

PS:  The above material is not meant to be taken seriously.  If you are sick, see a doctor,even if you don't have any insurance at all.  You don't have anything if you don't have your health.  And finding a date is darn near impossible!


kymllr said...

LOVE IT!!!!! Your such a GREAT writer :)

bridgetteleigh75 said...

Way to educate us, nurse.  <grin>


mogul486 said...

I guess that an HMO is better than NO insurance at all! I seem to have seen this somewhere before. I just don't get any credit these days. *S*  Love, Ray

onmiownnow2 said...

Yes, Ray... thank you for sending it to me.  But who sent it to YOU?  ;)  Hugs, Lisa

mogul486 said...

I can't tell you who sent it to me because he is in hiding and fears that they may drop his coverage! Love, Ray

joyanhope said...

Please write again..we miss you!  Thank y6ou so much for the "funnies". joy

onemoretina said...

        Thanks for the laugh ... even though there is more truth to this than fiction   ( especially the one about finding a doc will accept a new HMO patient.)  Now that I'm getting older and starting to fall apart, I am learning just how difficult it is to get put back together again.  Tina