I have always recommended that everyone have a back-up Plan in life. For every occasion. My birthday is looming up in a few months. I'm starting to accept the fact that not only am I over the hill, I'm sliding down the other side of it pretty quickly. I'm not really a morbid person by nature, but in case I don't live forever, here's Plan B.
Since I got married when I was 16 years old, I not only missed out on a wedding, I never got to go to the prom, either. So I guess the one day in my life, where I will shine, where I will be the center of attention, where all eyes will be on me, will be at my ... funeral. It is rather irritating to think that on my glory day I'll be DEAD, and I probably won't look so good, but I'll do the best I can.
I may need a little help. Could somebody find me a make-up artist who doesn't use a spatula to smear it on for heaven's sake? And give the hair dresser a picture of me on a good hair day. There MUST be one somewhere. I always hated my profile. I'm sure I won't like it any better after I'm dead, so tilt my face to the side. False eyelashes would be a nice touch. Don't forget a manicure,and PLEASE... make sure I'm wearing a BRA. I do NOT want to look saggy in my casket. I'd like high heels for the viewing, but replace them with my fuzzy slippers before you... put me under.
I'm a Team Player, so I'll do my part, too. If I have any say in it whatsoever, I will try my very best not to die when it's bitterly cold outside. Or swelteringly hot. Actually, I'll try not to die at ALL, but if I have to go, I'll try to be weather conscious. I will make every attempt not to die on anyone's birthday, anniversary, graduation or wedding day, or any other annual holiday. If I do go on someone's important day, please try your best to make light of it. You know a good sense of humor has always been one of my best qualities and it would be nice to always be remembered that way, too.
Stay tuned for Part II... RSVP
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