Sunday, January 4, 2004
The Looking Glass
A few weeks before Christmas I told anybody who would listen to me that what I wanted most of all was a mirror. A stand-up, 9 inch, electric illuminating, distortion free mirror, with a magnification of eight and a handy travel case, to be specific. I told them all where to buy it and what isle it was on. A few days before Christmas I began to worry that I wouldn't get one so I went out and bought it myself. I told Ray that it would be to me from him. Of course he had already purchased one for me, just like my son, each one of my two daughters, my best friend, and my mother. I guess I should have trusted them, but I've been disappointed in the past, and I really, really wanted that mirror. I thought that it would be a lot easier to pluck my eyebrows if I had a mirror with an 8X magnification. And a light. Even though it seemed that I didn't have to pluck them as much in the past few years as I did when I was younger. As I looked into that distortion free mirror yesterday, I realized that I was wrong. My eyebrow hairs hadn't stopped growing. They hadn't even slowed down. I just couldn't SEE them anymore! Why had no one told me? Thank God Ray can't see any better than me! I knew I was beginning to get wrinkles, creases and maybe a little less... facially firm. After gazing into my virtual reality looking glass practically all afternoon I now realize the full extent of the damage. I am being... ravaged! I have wrinkles in places that I have never even seen before! Facial firmness? Apparently I've been on simmer for so long that I am now melting. I have tiny spider veins. Everywhere! I think my gums may be receding! Don't tell me I see a few ... OH NO! Mustache hairs! Damn those hormone replacement pills! Maybe I shouldn't have jumped right in with an 8X. I should have asked for a 5X first, and slowly eased my way into shock and terror. Can I ever go back now to my semi-blindness? Can I ever see myself through rose colored glasses? Will my mirror ever again tell me that yes, I am the fairest maid of all? I... somehow doubt it.