Tuesday, January 20, 2004

No... I'm not dying BUT...

I'm starting to accept the fact that not only am I over the hill, I'm sliding down the other side of it pretty quickly.  I am not really a morbid person by nature, but I do think we should all have some sort of a plan for what lies ahead.  Since I got married when I was 16 years old, I not only missed out on a wedding, I never got to go to the prom either.  So I guess the one day in my life, where I will shine, where I will be the center of attention, where all eyes will be on me, will be at my ... funeral.  It is rather irritating to think that on my glory day I'll be DEAD, and I probably won't look so good, but I'll do the best I can.  Could somebody find me a make-up artist who doesn't use a spatula to smear it on for heaven's sake?  And give the hair dresser a picture of me on a good  hair day.  There MUST be one somewhere.  I always hated my profile so I'm sure I won't like it any better after I'm dead, so tilt my face to the side.  Put false eyelashes on me.  If you lay me out without a manicure I will haunt you till YOUR dying day.  Don't forget my bra.  I do NOT want to look saggy in my casket.  I'd like high heels for the viewing but don't forget to take them back off and put on my fuzzy slippers before you ... put me under.  If I'm married when I die I'd like to buried with my wedding ring on.  I don't think the girls need to make a necklace out of it to remember me.  I'm a Team Player so I'll do my part, too.  If I have any say in it whatsoever, I will try my very best not to die when it's bitterly cold outside.  Or swelteringly hot.  Actually, I'll try not to die at all, but if I have to go, I'll try to be weather conscious.  I'll also try not to die on anyone's birthday, anniversary, graduation or wedding day, or any other annual holiday.  If I do go on someone's important day, please try your best to make light of it.  You know a good sense of humor has always been one of my best qualities and it would be nice to always be remembered that way, too.  (continued...)

7 comments:

redhdka said...

where is this continued?? I'm so confused. You must be working on it. I never had a prom or a wedding either...just the judge and then party in the house. Maybe i'll write about it? I don't even want a wake or funeral. This was very cute...morbid yes but very cute. It's so impressive that you can even make death funny.

slowmotionlife said...

My granny looked beautiful for her funeral. Sad to think I've never seen her look as beautiful as she did that day. She'd lost a lot of weight and her face was so smooth. The make-up and hair artist did a great job. She was buried in her nightgown - a really pretty old timey kind - and pink slippers that none of us could see. I can only hope that when I go, I look as lovely as she did. :)

Don't forget what songs you want played! And stop being morbid.. you're still a young chic!! :P

readmereadyou said...

I know I get funny when I'm depressed, so you're depressed too. Do what I did. I told them not to have a wake when I go, put me in a box and a hole and that's it. I'm serious.
I didn't go to my prom either. Didn't have the money for the dress. Had a wedding dress but never enjoyed the day and the marriage was almost the death of me. If you're old, I'm a fossil. LOL!

barebytes said...

Oh Darn.....And here I thought I was going to live forever....guess you blew that fantasy out the window!! Do I really have to think of dieing just now? Can't we all just wait til say, 100 and then worry about it? Shoot, I'm still trying to catch up to Angela's balls..no no, her story on balls. To much to soon hahaha Lanny

lifes2odd said...

I did go to the prom but fought with my boyfriend the whole time, had a wedding too, it was on April Fools day (tell you anything there, LOL). As far as my funeral goes, I always say I'm going to tape record my voice and say the things I've always wanted to say and have them hide the recorder in my casket. Just "BOO" might be good enough. I'll be dying laughing!!!

bbeckyl said...

**Better to not have the viewing! I never take good pictures and I dont do so good on my makeup. I've been to viewings and they are way to creepy, just not how I'd want to been seen lol BBeckyl/It'sJustLife

mdkjic said...

I was at a cemetary over the holidays and saw a wooden carved headstone with an intricate pattern on the front. On the back it said, "As you are now, once so was I..." It creeped me out. Had I been in a movie and read that stone in the beginning, by the end of the movie I would have been planted too. I suppose it is a good ting to have a headstone that gives people the willies.