Sunday, January 25, 2004

Stray Socks

Only a few items in a divorce clearly belong to one partner. The 'Suzanne Sommers Thigh Master' usually goes to her. The 'Electric Ear and Nose Hair Trimmer' usually (hopefully) goes to him. But most of the marital stuff is up for grabs. The stuff you end up fighting over seems ridiculous to everyone but you and your estranged mate. For example, several years ago, I bought a Lonaberger Wicker Basket to use as a 'Stray Sock Basket' in the laundry room. Finally, we had a place to put all of those stray socks found alone, at the bottom of the clothes dryer. I found it in the catalog, picked out the designer lining, and paid for it myself. I'm also the one who named it 'The Stray Sock Basket', which eventually became very important. In all of our legal correspondence regarding 'Equitable Distribution of Marital Assets' the basket was legally referred to as 'The Stray Sock Basket'. My ex-husband felt that it should be awarded to him because he was the one who did all the laundry. He believed that he had become dependent on having such a basket, and that being forced to do laundry without it would be more of a hardship for him, than for me. I had witnesses however, who were willing to testify that they not only saw me mating socks on many occasions, but that I was a founding member of the local Laundromat Committee to reunite lost socks with their owners in the community. I had pictures of myself actually crocheting socks with the basket beside me, and a home video of me participating in a bike-a-thon, with the basket attached to my handlebars (I did fake it for the video...  I couldn't make it around the block on a bike but I heard the Judge was an avid bicyclist).  I know that was wrong, but I really wanted that basket. It was bad enough that the OTHER WOMAN was going to be mating my ex-husband's socks; I wasn't about to let her do it in MY basket!  (cont'...)

10 comments:

readmereadyou said...

LOLOLOL! You are cracking me up but what else is new! You're amazing. I'll say it everyday. God love yuh! : )

karensull12 said...

I collect Longaberger baskets, so I know they are expensive AND they are collector pieces. I'd make sure I got that back no matter what.

lotzamoe said...

Now you know why I paint my ex-wife's portrait in human shit. Divorce is a kind of death, and my ex deserves the "real" death.

ckays1967 said...

This is the funniest thing ever.

gbgoglo said...

I LOVE IT!...LOL...THE WHOLE THING IS TOO FUNNY!...LOL...

sybilssilly said...

I love this....hysterical!

bridgetteleigh75 said...

Thank God you have a sense of humor about things. I just got the giggles reading about the things you had to do to get your basket back. LOL You poor thing.

XO ~ Bridgett

atxhandyman1 said...

This is really well written. You've been able to maintain a conversational tone while at the same time conveying a sense of ire. I really look forward to reading anything else you write.

topbottomallgood said...

Great style and wit! I guess the ultimate complement is that it makes me want to get off my butt and start writing again myself. It also makes me glad I had a cooperative divorce (except for the electric wok). Keep up the good work.

hrmore1956 said...

This is hilarious.